Where have I been?

Hi all. Last time  I posted things were falling into place... well I AM here in Provo UT and I AM attending the Aveda Institute Provo. I DO have a place to live and a nice roommate. But a few things seem to be missing. I don't know what I always go into things believing everything will be different. I am still the same person. I still struggle with my body image. I still have an intense need to be wanted and needed. I still struggle to make ends meet.
          I am currently still unemployed and it isn't due to lack of effort. I spend time at my local plasma donation center twice a week which allows me to make enough to pay weekly rent and barely gets me enough gas to commute to and from school.
         This all sounds so negative, but it is my reality. I am very grateful for a understanding and helpful landlord who allows me to pay weekly rent, who feeds me, and allows me to focus on school and trying to get a job. I luckily live close to some very good friends here in Provo and they are so very kind and generous. I have a vehicle to drive. I am learning and loving school. There are good things that are happening and I am glad to report I make it from day to day.
           Despite the good aspects of my life right now I cant help but long for more. I dream of a day when I no longer have to worry about the basics in life, when I have a million friends and always have something to do, to a day when I love exercise and see progress and change in my body, to a day when I get asked on dates. Yeah things can and have been so much worse, but these things are real to me and affect me daily.
             It all comes down to change. " If I want something I have never had I have to do something I have never done." So wish me luck and encourage me because I am not sure I can do this alone.

Sitting, Waiting, and Wishing.

Goooood News! I have been accepted to The Aveda Institute Provo! I start June 27th. I am so excited for this new opportunity to learn, change, and grow. Oh and get career building skills. I found a great place to live for a low cost, which is ALWAYS a good thing! So this is the good part... then comes the stress.
      I currently have no vehicle, no big deal right? Well I guess we will see because my school and home are on opposite sides of Provo. I just don't know how that is going to work out. You know it sounds kinda minimal typing out my worries, but they are very real to me and I lose sleep over things like this. I am also waiting till the last minute to hear about my financial aid. I've done all I can do and now I just wait for the government. Don't get me wrong I am happy they offer help, I wouldn't be going if they didn't, but what is with all the hoops?!
     I am feeling very optimistic about starting fresh. I have some serious goals that I know will make my life better. First I want to be healthy. I am honestly at my heaviest weight. It is devastating at times, but I am the one who got me to this weight and I am the one who is going to have to fix it. So here is my plan... Clean eating (staying away from processed foods), focus on my proteins and fiber and staying away from the carbs for the most part, WATER, walking then hopefully some day in the future running. That's how I am going to start. I know I am in for a long road, but I know it is possible. I  feel its important to challenge myself and make life long changes, but I am trying not to be overzealous because I think that always leads to failure. So here it goes... stay tuned and wish me luck!

What happened in Idaho?

My life is a magical mess of happy mistakes, well mostly happy mistakes. When it seemed I had made a wrong turn in moving to Idaho my family came to the rescue. Long story short I moved in with my uncle Jon, his wife Jill, and my five young cousins. I cant scratch the surface of how grateful I am for their sacrifice in taking me into their home.
I gained a stronger relationship with this family that I will cherish forever. I came into their home with a broken heart, and no idea what my next move was. I was unemployed and completely broke. As soon as I arrived I was greeted with a comfortable room and home cooked meals. Here are a few of my observations about each person in the Jon Jensen family...

• Jon. My mothers 3rd brother. I have always known he is a very kind and funny guy, but in living with him I learned that he likes to run, he is a loved and respected boss at his job, he is a very understanding and supportive father.
• Jill. I gained so much love for my aunt Jill. She can come off as quite, but I think we definitely broke that barrier. She is such an organized person. I was blown away with how much she is able to accomplish on a daily basis. Her coupon skills were nothing I had ever experienced before. Her unfaltering faith in me and the things she believes I can do were inspiring. It was impossible to not feel like good things were ahead of me.
• Sam. Sam is a young older brother and takes on a lot of responsibility at times. I think he handles his role very well. He is very smart and I admire his thirst for knowledge.
• Will. It scares me how much Will reminds me of my brother Ethan. Both Will and Ethan have their own secret language, love to build things, and are fun to be around.
• Andy. Andy is such a sweet boy. I often witnessed Andy taking special care of his little sister Megan. Andy was always very pleasant when he greeted me each morning. I was also very impressed with Andy's willingness to take initiative and do things on his own when his siblings did not.
• Ben. Oh Benny I sure do love you. I think Benny will be some kind of crazy technology genius someday.
• Megan. Megan is a cute little girl with a lot of spunk. She is willing to play with her brothers all day, but she does it with her girly flare. 

Although my time with this family was short it was very essential. While there I was able to decompress and find a direction to go in. I am happy to announce that I have applied to the Aveda Institute in Provo, Utah. I hope to because a fantastic hairstylist. I feel strongly that this is a career I can be happy with. No I'm not giving up photography. I plan to continue to work on my skills and learn as I go. So if you are looking for a photographer don't be afraid to ask... I might even throw in a haircut as part of the package, who knows?                                                                                                               

The greatest gift

Hey all. I wanted to tell you about the best part of me going to New York. I learned about myself and about how I want to live my life. I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, in other words I am a Mormon. Before NY I struggled everyday it seemed with who I was, what I wanted, and what I believed. I was negligent with my spirituality and it felt as though nothing would help me to be happy again. I never doubted the existence of God or my membership in his church, but it seemed that I was just going through the motions and not learning or knowing for myself. I'm not going to say that everyday is perfect, but I go from day to day with a surety of what I am doing here in this life. I KNOW that I have a savior and that he loves me. I am not alone and I have a purpose. I know that living the gospel daily is the way to find happiness here in this life. And by living the gospel I mean diligently and sincerely praying, studying my scriptures, and making time to ponder and listen for the Lords voice in my life. I love the feelings that I get when I take the time to think of godly things, to think of all he has given me and all that is available to me if I choose to follow him.
           You know I grew up with the gospel in my life. I was always an active member, but was I truly converted to the doctrines of the gospel? I don't know that I was and I don't think that I in no way have figured everything out. I will spend my life learning of Christ, trying to understand his ways, and how I am supposed to do the things he asks of me. But I do know how strong a desire I have to learn of him and to grow spiritually. Its so refreshing to have such a strong desire to return to my father in heaven. I have so many things that I want to achieve. I am working toward what feels to be the next step in growing closer to my savior and my father in Heaven. Before I left NY I spoke with my bishop and was told that I could start preparing to make covenants with my Father in Heaven in his holy temple. I am sincerely working towards this goal and I look forward to this next step. I have been working towards this for quite awhile and I now feel closer to obtaining this goal. I pray that I can be a better disciple of Christ, that I can do the things he asks of me, that I will be in the places he needs me to be. That I will be worthy to do his work.
          Now these are my own thoughts and I just needed to get them out there. I have hid my feelings to long. Although it can be scary to share such deep desires of my heart I know that I needed to write this post, and I need to share my testimony and my love for my savior more publicly. I love you all and I hope you know that. I plan to do more posts on spirituality and what is helping me to feel closer to my Savior and my Father in Heaven. I'm not going to sensor these posts and I invite all to read. I hope that I can put things simply and that I can help my fellow man if even a little bit. Love you all!

Observations: New York vs. Ely NV

After a long and stressful trip I am finally home! It feels nice and relaxing. I can believe how quite it is, I find myself turning noise on to be more comfortable. Here are a few more of my observations from my change of scenery...

Observation #1- the impressive amount of trucks owned by the average citizen VS New Yorks obscene amount of BMW's, Volvo's, Audis, Lexus'

Observation #2- The average passerby will say hi and shoot you a smile here in Ely, whereas in New York people look at you funny if you have a smile on your face.

Observation #3- People wear hats here in Ely on a daily basis. Its almost a wardrobe must, not so much in New York

Observation #4- Speed limit here in Ely- 25 VS. speed limit... what is that? Im gonna do what I want and where I want to do it!

Observation #5- I haven't seen an open body of water since I left New York VS walking 2 minutes to a harbor.

Observation #6- most building and home here in the west are maybe 2 stories tall VS things grow vertically in New York.

There are many more where those came from but I would say those are the top observations that stuck out to me. There will be a few more blog posts this week. I feel like I have so much to say after living in such a  big place. I learned so many things that I want to share so stay tuned.

Dont blink or before you know it it's over

So I have been pacing myself in seeing the things I want to see while I am here in NY. Sure I have seen a lot... Broadway? check. Times Square? Check. Manhattan Temple? check. Boston? check. Chinatown? check (multiple times check). But I still have so much to see and only two more weekends to see them! whats on the list you ask?

• Statue of Liberty
• ground zero
• Brooklyn bridge
• Washington Square Park
• Central Park ( Ive seen the edges but I haven't explored)
• The Guggenheim
• A concert in the city
• Flea Market

well that is what I got and very little time to do it! wish me luck!

The Game Changer

well here I am again unsure of what to do... My nanny job here in Mamaroneck NY is unexpectedly ending three months early. I only have three short weeks from today until I fly back home. I was almost to the place where I could start saving seriously for the future things I have planned, but now I am coming back with less than a 1000 dollars saved. With no car, job, or definite place to live in mind you can definitely understand my panic. but things are falling into place... My older sister Heidi lives in Caldwell Id, near Boise, and has offered to let me stay at here house and work for awhile. So that is the plan so far.... now to find a job