Hi all. Last time I posted things were falling into place... well I AM here in Provo UT and I AM attending the Aveda Institute Provo. I DO have a place to live and a nice roommate. But a few things seem to be missing. I don't know what I always go into things believing everything will be different. I am still the same person. I still struggle with my body image. I still have an intense need to be wanted and needed. I still struggle to make ends meet.
I am currently still unemployed and it isn't due to lack of effort. I spend time at my local plasma donation center twice a week which allows me to make enough to pay weekly rent and barely gets me enough gas to commute to and from school.
This all sounds so negative, but it is my reality. I am very grateful for a understanding and helpful landlord who allows me to pay weekly rent, who feeds me, and allows me to focus on school and trying to get a job. I luckily live close to some very good friends here in Provo and they are so very kind and generous. I have a vehicle to drive. I am learning and loving school. There are good things that are happening and I am glad to report I make it from day to day.
Despite the good aspects of my life right now I cant help but long for more. I dream of a day when I no longer have to worry about the basics in life, when I have a million friends and always have something to do, to a day when I love exercise and see progress and change in my body, to a day when I get asked on dates. Yeah things can and have been so much worse, but these things are real to me and affect me daily.
It all comes down to change. " If I want something I have never had I have to do something I have never done." So wish me luck and encourage me because I am not sure I can do this alone.
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